HI NEW TO FORUM - GUIDANCE REQUIRED

Sorry to hear you're in such a difficult position and so sorry to hear about your mum too.  I'll add her - and you - to this week's healing meditation list.

Are you on a temporary contract employed by this company?  If so I think I'd want to try discussing the situation with your boss (or if you don't think that will help) with someone in Personnel.  I think most companies would want to give you a bit of flexibility or at least some consideration at a time like this.  If not, maybe start looking for another job.  You've got enough to deal with just now without having work stress too.

Love Kirsty xx

I too would approach personnel about this and as she says, keep one eye open for another job.  Is it possible that there may be another opening within the company or that they could make your hours more flexible?

Ask your angels for help and write down a description of how you would like your life to be and send it off to them (put it in a box then and forget about it).

Love and rainbows

Jenny xxxxxx

Firstly welcome to the forum Hun.

I agree with Kirsty, I would have a word with HR and see if the working arrangements can be adjusted. Some part-time (like a 4-day week) on a temporary basis, or tele-commuting, etc. HR (and your Boss) actually have a duty of care here.

Secondly, never be afraid to go up the management chain. If you Boss isn't being helpful, go to their Boss and explain the situation. I find that people (normally) really want to be as helpful as possible in this type of situation. You get the odd bad apple, who can't see past their performance targets though.

Lastly, make sure you contact Social Services. They really should provide assistance in shopping, cleaning, and transport to and from medical appointments. Make sure they know that your Mum is a priority case as she has a terminal illness. Social Services have been absolutely great since my Mum went Blind, and there is all sorts of help available, but you have to ask first! Get Age Concern going too, and any charitable support services for your Mum's condition. Remember, AND THIS IS IMPORTANT, to ask for help as a carer too, from the same bodies.

I am really sorry to hear about your Mum. As you say it is terminal, I won't wish her to get well soon. I will hope that you have as much enjoyment as you can in the time remaining, and that her transition is a peaceful and respectful one.

Art xxx

about your situation at work and also your Mum, i cannot give you any more good advice than what you have been given already. Welcome to the forum you will get lots of support here from us all, if you wish to have an angel reading i am more than happy to do you one. Sending love & support to you and your Mum. Love Gemini ;)xxx

Firstly welcome to the forum.  Sorry to hear about your mam, I know what it like, in similar situation.  I agree with what the others have said about going to HR.  Art has given you wonderful advice and I really cannot add to that. I will send healing your way and ask that work resolves itself in your best interest.  Add yourself and your Mam to the weekly meditation list and also onto the Reiki healing list.  We carry you in our hearts and minds.

Big Big hug

Maryp

Hello and welcome Silvers,

So sorry to hear about your mum.

Obviously you dont want to walk away from your job with the way things are on the work front just now, but as others have said, if you make your situation known to HR and your managers perhaps something can be organised to allow you the hours that you need.  There is also the option of taking leave of abstence, or leave without pay, I too, would want to spend as much time with my mum if I had her now so I can appreciate where you are comming from.

I do so hope things work out for you and be sure to keep us posted.

xxx

Much Love

Lizzy

Hiya

Welcome to the forum!

Sorry to hear about your current situation, it must be horrendous for you right now. xx

Before you go to HR write down exactly what you want - present to them a solution that works both for you and for them.

Like others have said, if you get no joy with your immediate boss, leap frog him n go to his boss n so on until you find someone human to talk to.

On a practical level - have you tried doing online supermarket shopping? that could save you an hour a week. My mom does that n it saves a lot of heavy lifting n hassle.

I would also suggest you put a couple of hours or an evening or something to oneside to do something just for yourself - don't feel you're being selfish because you're not, you need to have some outlet to let off steam n to gather your thoughts together ready to face the rest of the week, its hard prioritising your own needs with so much other stuff happening in your life right now but its essential or you will end up worn out. xx

a big welcome to the forum !....so sorry to hear how aweful things are for you at present and I really feel you have been given some excellent advice, particularly from Hi -art. I would only add the same, go to very top, and explain what you have told us. Anyone with any compassion would try to make things easier for you, at least on a temporary basis anyway. Dont let this one selfish biggot make you miserable. The job actually sounds like its quite a good one so try not to leave before trying everything else. best of luck to you,

Love & Light, kimberley xxxxx

I too echo what has been said before.  You must look after yourself as your Mum needs you.I am sending you a huge irridescent green angel ball of healing, comfort, support and positivity.

Love and hugs

Sandra xx

 Hi silvers, welcome.

Reading you post, I just can't imagine how you are physically managing to do all this, let alone coping emotionally. you must be a super human or something.. I admire your strength and determination.

I haven't been in a situation like this so can't offer much by the way of experience but can see from the many replies you've had that you seem to have been given a lot of sound advice.  Hi arts suggestion of help from social services and especially the stuff about carers is great.. when i was a carer i used to visit the carers forum and found so ,such practical help there it was amazing. www.carers.org is worth a visit. both to the forums and chat rooms. Also,i wonder if you have thought about  MacMillan cancer support. www.macmillan.org.uk

I'll leave it at that, and just offer you and your mum my best wishes and thoughts. 

BallaXX

I'm no expert on this but was reading a little bit about ying and yang recently.  You either live your life like a fieldmouse or like an eagle.  Some day's your a fieldmouse getting all the jobs done running about and sometimes your  like an eagle watching life from afar taking it easy working out solutions to your problems.  You need to do both to have a balance.  When you are constantly a fieldmouse you get worn out when you are constantly an eagle you get depressed.  You need to try and find a balance in this situation.  Your mother must be so proud of you.  Now write out on piece of paper what you want to happen and then just ask.  We all have a responsibility to our parents and any human being with any compassion will understand that.

good luck

take care

mari x

Evening Everyone

I just want to send a big thank you to you all for your kind words and support - it is really appreciated.

I feel so helpless and guilty at the moment as the situation with regards my mum is out of my control.  I have tried to approach my boss re working hours a few weeks ago but now when I approach the subject he doesn't want to know.

Work does provide a laptop but on a number of occasions I have been informed that I shouldn't really take it home!!!!!!  Lots of other people do this even in my dept.  Also I did work from home and he told me that this is not to be encouraged.  It doesn't matter what I do to try and make the situation work for all he seems to have a go about it!!!

The job is quite stressful but I would have relished the challenge in the past but now I feel so overwhelmed with mum and work and I feel I am not giving each the time they deserve - especially my mum.

I have been doing mum's shopping online for the past few months.  I did get social services round but they only offered food via Wiltshire Farm Foods which is a help.  I am also arranging domestic help next week so that the time I have with mum is quality.  I also have now got the community nurses, McMillan Nurse and GPs to contact me so that I know what is going on.

I have auto immune issues which means I need lots of sleep and this makes me angry as I want to have lots of energy to deal with everything.  I do laugh and joke at work but a number of times I have to stop myself from blubbing because if I start I don't know if I will manage to stop.

I wish I could wave a magic wand for my mum and everyone else who is suffering from cancer or any other issue ......................... if only.

Hugs

Sx

I really can appreciate where you are coming from, i myself lost my mam in dec, you feel totally hopeless and nothing is in your control. I asked on my angels to help me & help keep me strong for my mam & tried to keep her upbeat & positive. You do really need to take some time out for yourself tho. Take care of yourself my dear, sending you lots of love & support, stay strong Love Gemini ;)xxxxxx

P.s call upon Archangel Raphael to help heal with your physical, emotional, mental pain. Also to help heal wounded spirit xxx

Silvers,

I can only reapeat, if you have no joy with your boss, go above them, all the way up to the MD or CEO if you have too. Honestly, these people will not mind you knocking on their doors (well making an appointment with their PAs!).

Secondly, Social Services should offer more than just Wiltshire (and I don't like them anyways). get charities like McMillan, Age Concern etc involved. Social Services provide me with someone to wash, shower and dress Mum for me, 2 hours light domestic (claening), an ironing service and some to do shopping if I am unavailable to do online shopping. I also have access to restbit care, and an emergency plan so that should I be unable to provide Care (say stuck in traffic or I have to go in to hospital) a carer will step in and replicate my duties. Honestly, there is a tonne of support for carers out there, but you have to arrange it.

I really do think you need to contact Social Service again, and quickly. No way should you try to shoulder this burden unaided.

Art xxx

 Do you have a carers association in your area? If so make an appointment to go and see them asap. They will help and let you know what sort of entitlements, including benifits and allowances- carers allowance for instance- you and your mum will be able to apply for..

Also Visit this page as it will give you information about compassionate leave from work.

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/parents

/moneyandworkentitlements/workandfamilies/dg_10026555

Time off for dependants

In many cases you have the right to take time off work to deal with an emergency involving someone who depends on you (sometimes called compassionate leave). You can’t be penalised by your employer for taking the time off, providing your reasons for taking it are genuine.

I took that from the web site - i would think your circumstances are genuine enough to quallifiy you for compassionate time off.

BallaXX

Hello and welcome to the forum.  I'm sending out big hugs to you and lots of positive thoughts.  Every piece of advice given here seems excellent and I cant offer any more than what has been given.  I really hope things go well for you and that things get sorted. 

Lou xx

Thanks again everyone for all your support.  I live in the north east of Scotland and it looks as if we don't get that much help!!

Update on the job front - I did have a chat with my boss and the outcome is that I have resigned from the position.  So I can only hope and pray that something better comes along.

Thanks for the healing.  Does anyone know of a good psychic where I can have a phone reading?

Hugs

Sx

Just wanted to send you some love & warm thoughts, there is some fab advice here. All I can really add is this.

I lost my mam in July, she had been unwell for sometime, I was working full time, back & forth, a family, my son had recently joined the army, lots and lots happening. After she passed over, I went into overdrive..being strong for everyone, impossible work schedule, anything to cope, and then 3 months ago, I just fell apart. It has been a long struggle back up from the seemingly bottomless pit I fell into. I was made redundant 2 weeks ago.

Sometimes, we have to wade through life's goo to get to a better place. This is the first time in many many years that I have actually felt like myself, I am trying to view all this with a positive head...and if like me you set out to prove that you are super woman, can deal with anything and everything, then there are lessons to be learnt, well there were for me. Counselling helped me to put this self strength and drive to prove I wasnt a failure into perspective, I am human, I feel, I am sensitive and being calm is one of the greatest things to have come out of all this. I read a wonderful quote in S&D, about losing the life we push for and living the life we should. Although the last three months have had a great deal of dark places, I have learnt that I never want to go there again, which means I need to care for myself too. I have learnt to value me...I always thought that was selfish, but I have learnt that to care for oneself too is vital...I have been of little use to others over the last few months. Been vulnerable and lost & got into a place that was unhealthy.

So really, by sharing this I hope it helps in some way & just to say, you have my heartfelt empathy, enjoy your mam, she will always be with you, as I have learnt, take this time out from work, (it is difficult to suddenly be jobless, I havent been unemployed for years), build your strength, look after your health, sometimes the universe gives us blessings in disguise...not working gives you valuable time with your mam.

I hope I havent hindered rather than helped, I am send you you lots of love and warmth...take care..love & light...xxx

Not sure of a good phone psychic as i have never used one. But however we have Gunner on here whom im sure if you asked him for his e-mail address he can help you, he is very good. Hope this helps love Gemini ;)xxxx

Fai - your message hit home for me and probably many others.  We sometimes become all things to all people and forget about ourselves until we hit rock bottom.  So thank you for your honesty and words of wisdom.

Not only did I resign from my job on Thursday but when I arrived home my mother had been taken into hospital as she was getting so confused and unstable on her feet.  Oh and I parted company with my partner.  So all in all Thursday was a pretty cr*p day. 

The only way I can describe the past few months is like setting up a long line of dominoes and when you knock over the first one the rest follows.  So all I need to do is set up my dominoes again.

The strange thing is that I feel quite calm and I am sure that all the kind word and healing from each and everyone of you is working.

Bless you all.

Hugs

Sx

E mail me on indalomoon@yahoo.co.uk and I will do you a  tarot\psychic reading and send it back privately. 

Love

Jenny xxxxxxx

Jenny

I have sent you an email from my hotmail account.  Hope that is ok.

Thank you

Sx

Thanks for your kind words, the domino effect...know it well. I was mulling on your thoughts of resetting your dominos....mmm...see, I think thats what I did before and then time and time again...the falling effect happened to me...so I think a new game is in order.

Your situation feels similar...all things stripped away..giving you time to focus on the important things, you & your mam. I would also highly recommend the services offered by Cruise..I found them of huge benefit.

I guess also that being in dark places and finding the way out does have benefits too, out of everything bad comes a little good...even if its self development. I cant say I am out of the woods yet...but..I see the light and feel the warmth. This site is magnificent...many blessings to all those who support each other, it is trully wonderful. Also it is kind of soothing to sit here and pour everything out and get such support from those who have been in similar situations. Its sort of like passing on goodness and warmth, sharing the good times and the bad. We are all like minded souls here of different levels and experiences...but together we do a brilliant job of supporting each other...

Take care of yourself...and keep in touch...much love & light to you...xxx

Fai, I love reading your posts and how you put words together.  Have you ever thought of writing a book.  Another friend of mine writes like you and she is writing a book.

You have hit the nail on the head re starting a new game of dominoes.  All that has happened especially in the last 6 months has knocked my self esteem and confidence.  I need to pick myself up and dust myself down.

So I hope to see the light and feel the warmth too ...............................

Thank you

Sx

Thanks...what a lovely compliment. That was a boost to my literary confidence...not written anything much of late...been focusing on my embroidery and looking to develop some other skills.

I spent many years writing, mainly training courses, policies & responses to government policy...oh and essays...but laterly training courses. I tend to write as I speak...but that was so nice of you...really touched a cord with me.

You will pick yourself up, but gently for now...my mistake was picking myself up and charging off, setting myself tasks that were way too much. Be gentle on yourself...dont rush...its hard not to...because it takes whatever it takes to get through. But just be kind to yourself. You are allowed to feel as you do...so dont be too hard on yourself...I am a fine one to talk though...but I speak from experience.

Take it easy...love & light...xxx

Fai, I will try and be gentle to myself but at the minute I just want to run away!!  Sx

Running away is not going to help anything! 

As it has been said here already, take one step at a time and focus on all the small things that you can achieve that will help you feel confident and eventually you can build up all the things you feel you have lost so far.  It takes time but you'll get there! 

Love Lou xxxx

I can really appreciate where you are coming from, it sure ain't easy i know. Call upon your angels to give you help and support also AA Raphael to help keep you strong. Plus you have alway's got us here to help and give you support.Just wished i had come across this forum months earlier, but everyone is helpful & supportive Love Gemini ;)xxxx

Hi

I hope you havent run away...I tried it and got stuck in an unhealthy place...and guess what...I took all the horrid feelings and low times with me...So running away didnt help, in fact probably made things worse. But I do know where you are coming from. I could happily join you today...but it wouldnt change anything. It would all still be here...as its carried inside of us.

I really would love to be able to tell you that it will all be ok...and it will...in time...but right now..getting through each day is a priority. With love & support you can do this. We all can..& this forum is such a wonderful place.

Not much more I can add..but I am thinking of you...take care & be gentle on you...much love & light...Fai..xxx

Just to let you know that I decided not to run away as I know that all the issues that are going on in my life would just follow me wherever I went. 

I have had a number of good discussions this week and apologised for some of my behaviour. I have also give food-for-thought where appropriate and suffice to say my partner and I have decided to give it another go and hopefully going to plan our first holiday together!!

Also had a discussion with my boss today who is not a bad lad really but I think he is also under pressure from his bosses who are under pressure from their bosses etc.  I do try to see the shoe on the other foot and probably because of my mum I am a tad touchy at the moment!!

Visited mum and we still manage to have a laugh.  I know the angels are looking out for her.

Thanks again for your support and advice.  Another fab forum that I have found to be sooooo supportive and hopefully I will be able so support others on here soon.

Hugs

Sx

We'll keep you and your mum on the healing meditiation list if you like?

Hope all goes well with your partner

Love Kirsty xx

We'll keep you and your mum on the healing meditiation list if you like?

Hope all goes well with your partner

Love Kirsty xx

Welcome to the forum Silvers, a bit late I know but I haven't managed to post for a while.

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum, it can't be at all easy for you. But I am glad that you managed to sort things out with your partner - its good to have someone to offload to. We're very used to people doing that on here!

If you like, I could do you a goddess reading? I just need your name, DOB and any question or issue you'd like to know about. I'll then post my email so you can contact me and I'll send you the reading.

Blessings, Lee :)

KirstyM - please keep mum on your list - really appreciate it.

Lee - I would love a goddess reading and will think of my questions.

Totally stressed out as mum was discharged from hospital today and we are all totally shocked.  Mum is struggling to walk, difficulty breathing, urine infection again and is just skin and bone.

I struggled to get her up from the sofa, give her meds, rub in cream etc.  It was also tough getting her ready for bed!  When in hospital she actually fell out of bed.  I asked about the carers coming in to assist mum and she will only be getting a carer for 1 hour once a week.

My mum is terminally ill and we don't need anymore stress.  I feel so angry and guilty and struggle to cope at work.  Keep going to the toilet to have a cry.  I wouldn't wish what my family and I are going through on anyone.

I would love to post something more positive and hopefully will someday - promise.

Hugs

Sx

i'm sorry to hear about your mum and you, this ain't easy i know. Don't feel guilty you are only doing your best for her i know that is easier said than done, i have been here myself last year with my mam. Keep calling on AA Raphael to give you some healing and support through this. Keep intouch here we will all offer you support ((((((HUGS))))). Love Gemini ;)xxxxx

Just to say i am thinking of you...lots of love & hugs...xxx

Thanks for all the hugs! Sx

You and your mum will be on the healing list again this week.  Sorry to hear you're having such a horrible time.  I'm sure there should be more help for you - please do make a big fuss about it and get whatever extra support you can - it does seem that sometimes help only goes to those who shout loudest unfortunately.

Sending you lots of love and a big hug

Kirsty xx

Kirsty - thanks for putting us both on the healing list again.  The support from you all is really appreciated. 

I have had a sh*t day and had a heated discussion with my mum's GP who basically told me to go away and stop wasting his time and look after my terminally ill mother who has only two weeks to live. Then he put the phone down on me!!!  I am disgusted with how my mum was discharged from hospital with no assessment of her needs being carried out, she fell out of bed at the hospital and my brother was told on Sunday night that she wouldn't be going home.  As she had urine / bowel issues.  Also while my brother and dad were visiting mum her food was dumped in front of her and my brother had to feed her.

It makes me shudder to think what happens to the elderly who have nobody to look after them and fight their corner.

I got a call on Monday at work to say that my mum was getting home.  So I spent part of the day trying to arrange private home care as our area is currently so short staffed that we can only get care once a week.  Loads of other issues not in place. All the GP said on the phone that he thought that all was ok. 

I had left a message for one of the community nurses that I know as she knows loads of info and I thought she may be able to help.  Her boss called me later and told me that they had not been told that my mother had been discharged.  She obvioiusly had just had a chat with the GP and I updated her with more info.  I think she was a tad shocked.  I then got very distressed.  She told me to meet me at mum's in half an hour.

She was really good and has taken a list of issues away with her which should have been dealt with prior to mum coming home.  She also told me that mum should have had an assessment and that we could also get night cover from Marie Curie.  Why weren't we told this before.  I stated that it would have helped greatly if all the relevant people and I got round a table and discussed everything and I had care in place.  But hey that would be too easy wouldn't it. 

When I spoke with a private care company today on the phone, they were very good but once again I broke down and whilst we were discussing everything the owner of the business was in he office and overhead and wanted to meet me and mum with a carer as she was shocked at what I went through today.  She also told me about things that would assist everyone concerned.  She thought the GP was totally out of order and that once all of this is over to write a letter of complaint.  Not sure if I will have the strength or the energy.

Kirsty I totally understand where you are coming from re making a fuss and shouting the loudest to get any help.  It truly saddens me when coping with a terminally ill loved one that we have to do this as it just adds more to an already stressful and distressing situation.

I really don't know how much time my mum has left but I just want to have some mum / daughter time.  Is that too much to ask. 

Hugs

B/fly x

PS Mum actually seemed more with it tonight and we were able to have a wee chuckle.

PPS  Off to bed now as totally shattered.

Sending you some ((((((((((((((((((((((LOVE)))))))))))))))))))) and some ((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) get a good night's kip my dear, glad you had some quality time with your mum today, enjoy it my dear  . LOVE Gemini ;)xxxxxx

I will light a green candle this week to send you some support and healing xxx

More love & hugs to you Silvers...xxx

Mum not bad today and managed to eat her shepherds pie, trifle, small cake and a cup of tea.

Dad was so happy to see her eat up the food by herself. As she was so doped up in hospital and couldn't manage.

The OT Dept called today and the lady was so lovely. The hospital hadn't informed them that mum was coming home and she was disgusted at the GP and also the fact that mum is only getting 1hr care per week. She is on the case and getting more help.

Also a couple of friends contacted me and they have been fantastic.

On a negative note when my older brother eventaully arrived tonight to see mum I asked him for some help with mum and dad and he just started mouthing off and said that he couldn't as he works ........... bless. So do I!!

He then told me that he was going to smash my face in and so is his daughter when she sees me. Bit difficult as she lives in Oz. Also nobody can stand me!!

He is a nasty piece of work and has never helped when mum and dad have been ill. I wouldn't put it past him to punch me.

Please can anyone give me a spell to protect myself and give me strength to care for mum and dad.

Oh and if anyone can give me a reading - Sylvia - d.o.b 01/01/64.

Hugs

Sx

i can do you an angel reading if you like, it will be tommorow if ok? Love Gemini ;)xxxx

Gemini

I have never had an angel reading that would be lovely.

But please don't stress if you can't manage it tomorrow. Anytime will do.

Look forward to reading it.

Sx

I have a sister like that...I often put myself in a bubble of white light & send them on their way with love...those who would upset or threaten me & mine...I am incredibly proud of you...and you know...I can see the smiles and tears..the way your dad is with your mam, mine was like that with my mam. Ask your angels and guides for strength and courage...I am sending you as much love & light as I can...many blessings on you honey...big hugs xxx

Hi Silvers, Im sending you more positive thoughts and also sending positive thoughts to your mum, and dad too. Its so uplifiting seeing shes managed to eat herself, and hope she continues feeling better. Unfortunately with siblings sometimes they just dont get on well, but I think you need to stand your ground and not let him upset you even more, besides what you are dealing with. Might it be that he is scared of the whole thing, and yet doesnt want to admit it to the family, so instead it comes out this way.

Like Fai said continue to ask the Angels to help you, Im always calling on Arch Angel Michael when i feel threatened, he is the Angel of protection, justice, strength and courage. Love and blessings xx Crystalblue.

you are welcome my dear, do you have any questions you want to ask the angels? and also do you want me to post it on here for you or send it through the Private Message system? love Gemini ;)xxxx

Silvers, I too have been in this situation with my late husband. It is so hard and being a health care professional was no help to me at all. I am disgusted by the treatment that Carers get and the lack of support. You have had so much good advice from people here and I admire the way that you have conducted yourself.

Stay Strong, Sending Lots of Love and Light to you and your family

Thank you all sooooooooo much. Mum was on quite good form tonight considering what she is going through and understood lots.

I am actually enjoying myself being Florence Nightingale and looking after mum. I didn't think I would be able to cope but from somewhere I have gained the strength to carry on.

Also after the distressing start to the week I had, tonight a feeling of peace washed over me. I am positive this is down to the healing and positive thoughts that all you lovely peeps are sending mum and me!

Thanks again.

Hugs

Sx

and so nice to hear Silvers. Love Gemini ;)xxxx