I don't want to sound desparate but...

Sorry to hear about your situation Balla,

I think you should ask someone locally for advice - the police or maybe a phone line for partners of alchoholics.You shouldn't feel ashamed,anyone could end up in the same situation and as for him saying you are the abuser well then he would be safer away from you if he believed that!

Luckily I have never experienced this and by rights shouldn't really comment but something that is affecting you so badly should be dealt with.

As for feeling homesick, I too have had those feelings recently(not in the way of harming myself but in the way of "if I go I really wouldn't mind") and my life obstacles are nothing compared to yours!I said as much to my angels before bed last week and the first song I heard in the morning was You Are Loved(don't give up) by Josh Groben - this was my reply and it made me smile and cry at the same time,

Sorry I've rambled on,

Love Andrea x

Hi Bella,

I am really sorry to hear of your plight, I know its easy for me to say this but you really would be better off without your partner, both for your benefit but also your childrens benefit. This man is trying to control you and he is playing mind games, trying to make you feel as if everything is your fault. Nobody should have to put up with what you are having to. Again I know its easy for me to say this but you do need to talk to the police and also what about this mans family, can they not help you. Please do not feel ashamed, you have done absolutely nothing wrong, and by plucking up the courage to go to the police you are showing just what a strong person you are, I know it takes a lot of courage but you owe it to yourself and your children. It is also worth talking to the CAB, they can also give you a telephone number of a safe house that you can ring. Has your partner got a key to your house if so can you get the locks changed, once again remember that you need to protect yourself, your children and also your mother. I really don't know what other advice I can give you, the one thing I can say is that you have the ability to change your life, but you can only do that when you are ready, no one else can do it for you. In the mean time I am sending love, healing and asking for protection for you and your family from my gate keepers and angels and guardian angels.

Love, Light & Blessings

Adrian

Sorry to hear you're having such a hard time just now.  I think the advice the others have given is really sound, please ask for the help you need to make a clean break from this man.  Try not to feel embarassed - so many women feel like you do, the people you talk to (police or whoever) will understand, and won't judge you.

If you would like a reading, I'll do a free one for you if you like?  Just drop me a line kirsty@past-present-future.co.uk if you'd like to.

Love Kirsty xx

Hello balla,There is nothing for you to feel bad about,i work with women who have gone through trauma and abuse these women feel humilated and ashamed when they tell me their stories their pain is heartbreaking.Have you made enquries to your local citizens advice to find local domestic abuse forum to contact for support and help,they will understand the problems you are going through you will be given all the advice you need to help you move on from this relationship,You may feel emotionally drained,your energy sapped,emptiness and spiritually broken but balla you are a lovely special person who needs a little strength and self nurturing to get yourself out of this situation.Most abusers will put the blame onto their partners as they won't take responsibility for their actions.You have taken the first step by telling your story to all of us on this forum ,You will be sent lots of love,healing and support please continue on your quest for a more peaceful and enjoyable future for you and your family best of wishes to you linda x

Hello Andrea, Adrian, Kirsty, and linda. I was very touched by your kind, concerned and positive replies, your very good advice and especially for your love and healing wishes. I really feel like i need love right now.

You know, if we are here to learn things, to heal and move on then I suppose I should be grateful for having had this relationship more than any other. I've learned such a lot about myself and have began a healing process for myself so that i never get into a toxic abusive relationship again, I know i will heal again, in time, but right now i am feeling frightened of the emotional pain that is to come. ( Actually I don't think i will get into a relationship again fullstop! not that i'm thinking about it, i just have a feeling that i am supposed to be alone - don't know if thats just a knee jerk reaction to my situation or an instinct)

Dearest Kirsty, I am thrilled that you have offered me a free reading. I've had readings before and always found them comforting in times of discomfort but this time more than any other i feel i need to know what may lie ahead so that i can be prepared for whatever. I'll be writing to you after posting this.

Once again,thank you all.

Love B. XXX

The advice the other members have given you is really sound. Just wanted to add that I once was where you are in an abusive controlling relationship that damn near destroyed me. It definitely destroyed my self esteem and confidence for many years, and had it not been for my spirit helpers I might still have been there. Please believe this Balla, there is nothing wrong with you and you did not bring this upon yourself, anymore than me or others in your situation bring this on. Trust me, in the end, you will come out of this far stronger than you could ever imagine yourself to be. You've already taken a huge step by walking away and stay strong now. No-one has the right to make any other person feel worthless or useless. It's your partner who is inadequate, not you. When you're with a partner like that you can't find out who you really are, or what you are really capable of doing and sometimes that's why you need time alone, not forever but just to find out who you are. We're all here for you if you need someone to talk too and we're all wishing you well and sending out our thoughts and prayers to you. God bless you.
Love Pat xxxx

Oh Balla,

You have already made the first very hard step by just acknowleding (can't spell) the negativity of this relationship. It has been nearly 4yrs since I fled my house with my then 2yr old from a very distructive volitle abusive relationship with a alcaholic with a drug addiction. It is true what others have said that when you are in a domestic violent relationship and that's what it is, the perpertraitor who has a great nack of turning the sittuation arround so the you are blamed and at times feel like your just going mad because deep down you know that this isn't your fault and most importantly you realize that this isn't what a loving respectful relationship is all about. Being in this type of reltionship your in will just suffocate you and you'll never have the chance to grow. You loose your confidence and self esteme. You will as others have said come away from this sittuation a stronger person but it takes time as you rebild all that has been taken from you by this partner. It is your partner who has a propblem you will never change them they can only but change themselves.

People will give you sound advice but it is only when you feel ready will you find the courage because that's what it is, to walk away. I think I bored my family and friend for years who became very fustrated with me because even though I fell out of love eventually with my ex I felt I couldn't leave him I was too scared to make a change, it took me a year to plan my escape but only with the help of Leeways Womens Aid and the Domestic Violence Helpline..

When you are ready, please, call the domestic help line or leeways womans aid they are great, you will never be judged but they are trained to dealling with sittuations like theses you can't do this on your own once you are away from the sittuation he can't hurt you anymore physcally, mentally spritually. There is protection out there but only when you find the courage to ask for help.

Never stop asking for help from your spritual guiders, tonight I will light a candle for you and send it out into the cosmos that you find the strengh and courage to take a different path in your life that you deserve, i'll ask that you may recieve the love and protection that you need to get you through this, please just call those organizations, take one step at a time and try to stay safe. You feel in a very lonely dark place right now but you are not alone, please balla take that first step if you can't find the numbers for the organizations then send me a msg and i'll try and find them for you. Love and light...Jess...xxx

Hiya Balla please be strong and take one day at a time,ive been in a very unhappy relationship like you and eventually i got out ,my two kids and myself are happy now and i carnt believe what i put up with ,its not easy i was very nervous and scared but im so glad i did it I will pray for you and your family love sav.

Sorry to hear about your situation, you have been given some great advice above. Please take it and get away from this man. I know it will be hard but no where near as hard as staying with him. We are all behind you! And dont be embarrased. Anyone could end up in your situation. No one should judge you and I know no one on here will. Good luck, I know you have the strength to get away, Linda x

hey dont worry about asking for a reading i think everyone is going through a hard time with life at the moment,and i dont think anything else can happen to us lot after recent events. there is a few of us offering free readings dont even hesitate in asking we are all here to help in anyway possible.good luck.

Thank you Pat, jess, sav, linda and snowyangel.

I suppose i am in a bit of shock about it all at the moment. I mean, how could something like this happen? When i look back, especially over the last year, it just doesn't seem real. he seeemed such a nice man when we first met, everything i could want. I didn't know he was an alcoholic but when i found out about five months into things he gave drink up straight away. he insisted he wasn't addicted to the stuff and i suppose giving up like that proved it. You'd think that would be an end to it but what i've since found out is that drink itself is just a small part of the problem of alcoholics. There was a reason he was drinking and that was to try and control his abusive nature which of course came right out after he took the drink away. How terribly terribly sad. They call it being a dry drunk. I don't suppose he really will ever change, i think he became a drunk so early on in his mental / emotional development - at about 15, that i don't think he will ever be 'normal' In the begining i used to think his 'cock eyed take of the world was funny and interesting, now, i think it's just downright obnoxious.
My feelings fluctuate between angry and sad and numb and really scared for the future.. i just hate it all,I sometimes pretend it's not happening but keep coming back to feeling anger. I'm trying to hide everything i'm feeling from my family as well becuase i dont want to worry them all. I am so glad ive opened up to you lovely people and can come here and talk if i need to.

I am not going to go on about it and say any more now, except thank you all for your wonderful support, strenghth and encouragement. and a very big thank you to Kirsty who is doing a reading for me. I guess i just needed some validation that i was right to be feeling what i was feeling, and think there was a huge part of me that needed to release.

Thank you.

B XXX

They all seem nice at the start! They're clever like that. Enjoy Kirsty's reading and hope it helps you move on. Take care, Linda x

I've only just joined this forum, but your name was one of the first I recognised because near where I live {in N Wales is a beautiful large tranquil lake called {in English} Lake Bala, Llyn Tegid {in Welsh} and I can feel you are like this lake, calm and serene, you know what you need to do and I know you have the strength to do it, so have faith in yourself and I will light a candle for you tonight just to give you that extra bit of support! Blessed be, Oestara

Ohh, thank you for your lovely message to me oestara. It's a funny thing but balla was a typo. it was supposed to be bella! It used to annoy me to begin with but being balla has sort of grown on me and I felt there was a reason why it became a typo.

I think i've been to lake Bala, I'm almost sure i have and I say think as i've toured round beautiful N Wales quite a bit on and off over the years. I'm living in the South so we are practicaly related! :-). I like that you can feel that i'm calm and serene, as thats the state of mind i'm trying to get to. Unfortunatly due to relationship problems combined with being of an age where you're hormones tend to have a different agenda to that of your mind, i've been finding it a bit of a struggle to stay comfortably 'stable' lately. But i think i'm getting there, bit by bit, and having you light a candle for me for extra support is fantastic, so thank you very much.

 

B XX

 

You're more than welcome, is'nt it strange that I feel I know you already!

and I can't believe you've been to Lake Bala - spooky or what!!!

I hope when ever you're feeling stressed you think of that lovely calm water and it will help you to be calm too.

Have you ever been over the Horseshoe Pass?- it's near Llangollen where they have the big International Eisteddfod{ the one where Pavarotti sang} now thats another of my favourite spiritual places as the views are out of this world, and it helps to put everything into prospective somehow, Have you got a favourite place down South where you can go for a spiritual top up? I hope so as it makes such a difference.

BB Oestara x

Hi Balla

I was just reading through your posts and I can say I understand some of the feelings you are going through, I haven't been through anything like what you are going through but I've been single a long time now and the last person who I felt I had a future with decided he didn't want one afterall, it left me feeling so distraught and I do have the same feelings that I'm going to be alone forever more too.  I have started weightwatchers and going to aerobics and the benefits of these have made me begin to feel better.  I'm not so down about finding someone but I've learnt that I need to take care of myself first. 

 

I also just wanted to say that I've had two friends who were in abusive relationships, one of them had some petrol poured near her and then her partner teased her by flicking matches at her and then the petrol.  Both of my friends have found and married someone new and are very happy, they have ups and downs like everyone else but they aren't abused anymore.  So I just really wanted to say dont give up hope! 

I see that you posted a while ago. I hope you are okay and would really like to know how you are. I completely understand the feeling of being 'homesick.' In my darkest times I often have a strong urge to 'return home.' The trouble is I don't know where this is as my parents are no longer around, and I was not happy as a child anyway. I think I must interpret this - in your case and in mine - as a place of peace and love that we may or may not have had, but wish to 'return' to. Maybe even the womb? Who knows.
I appreciate your situation is very difficult. Leaving this man is the right thing to do, and I think you know this. But practically you are afraid of what might happen to you and family if you do. Have you ever rung the womens domestic violence helpline? They know about situations like this and can give advice and support.