worried about holiday

Forgot to add that this year my mum and sister are actually staying in a chalet on the park aswell as from Tues, which could be really nice, but means we will be with them 24/7 so if she behaves as in previous years it will be very very hard.

Can you maybe organise your time on holiday so you can spend time alone and with your family and maybe just meet up with your mum and sis a bit less often. Maybe explain to them that you want to spend some time alone and with your kids too.

I really hope you enjoy your holiday you deserve it.

Love & Warmth

Katxx

They say you cant change the people you're with but you can change your reaction to them. (easier said than done, granted)

Seems like a little pre-planning would be a good idea - work out before you go how you're going to calmly and assertively handle the situation.

If she starts criticising you - walk away, pretend not to have heard or tell her that you find this way works really well for you and perhaps she should try it. (if its any consolation my mum drives me insane over the recipe for custard (strange but unfortunately true!) and tends to start criticizing me at every little opportunity which is why i tend to stick out of her way unless i am in a mood for coping with it and have learnt lots of bright phrases to pick out of the box to stop her in her tracks!) xx

It sounds like there are plenty of things to distract you should she start on one of her moods. Find out and have to hand the times of the pool/bar and brightly suggest a swim/coffee/pint the minute the maternal mood clouds start gathering.

A random walk, some places in the area you would like to explore can always distract a moaning mother. if she is reluctant to join you don;'t feel guilty going alone- theres been too many times in my life when i have stayed back to please someone else n regretted it later.

Maybe you could ask her quietly one night why she is so angry/bitter/eager to criticize and what the true emotion is that she's reacting to. It may be that she wishes that things in her life were different in some way. It may be that her elders were critical of her and that she doesn't know how to talk to you adult to adult or something.

I would also encourage her to speak to your sister about what is niggling her rather than turn you into the meat in the sandwich! Next time she starts on that one cut her short politely and say that really its  nothing to do with you and that she should raise the issue with your sister directly. and then swiftly change the subject!
 

When you get back from your hols this year, seriously consider if you want to go on hol with her again - no point putting yourself thro misery every year. It could be that she wants to be free to go on hol with someone else and finds your hol equally stressful!! Shop around, pre-plan your next hol so you can relax and chill rather than get stressed out thinking about it xxx

Don't feel you have to spend all your time together.  Why not pick out several places/activities you and your family will be going to on your own, and arrange to spend eg a couple of afternoons and dinner times together.  If you like, blame the kids lol!!  Maybe even ask your sister if she'll eg take you mum shopping one day so you guys can go off to the beach or whatever.

My mum tends to criticise me too!  Just the other night I'd put some cream in my hubby's coffee, she told me off for not looking after him, raising his cholesterol etc etc.  So when he asked for some more I said perhaps he'd got enough, so she had a go at me for not giving him more - can't win lol!!  The best thing to do is let it wash over you, but not into you if you know what I mean?  My hubby is great for this, whenever my mum finds fault he says "I blame the parents!" so it just makes me laugh!!  Try to laugh it off rather than being hurt by it.  But if she's really getting to you, putting your foot down can be surpisingly effective!  Last time I cooked Christmas dinner here for my parents, I sat everyone in the lounge so I could get on in the kitchen, but of course my mum came in to find fault with my potatoes etc.  I was too stressed to be doing with that, so I just told her that if she'd come to to criticise, she could go back to the lounge!  Her reaction?  "I don't criticise!"  Errrrr.....  but she was extremely well behaved after that lol!!

Be brave Star - this is your family holiday too, so you and your kids should enjoy it as much as possible.  That's not being selfish or unkind, it's just making the most of your much-needed break!  Hope you have a lovely time.

Love Kirsty xx

Its hard to explain if you don't know my mum but she expects to be with us all the time, as she only sees us once a month for the day. She has a lots of health problems and pain and lives on her own so that coupled with issues in the past make her very bitter. The trouble is that she then spoils the time we do have together, and she gets very nasty when she wants to. Even since I posted this thread, she has been texting me saying she doesnt know why she bothered to book a chalet to stay up with us, and could have spent the money going away somewhere else. Then she says no-one cares about her and her problems/pain etc. It is so wearing and stress I don't need when I am packing and should be in a happy excited mood :-(

Oh dear Star, sounds like a pain when you should be enjoying yourself. It is your break and I would make sure you get time for yourself and with your kids and try (not easy) to let the negativity wash over you. Be a little selfish as you deserve a break. Don't give in to all the demands for attention all the time. Hope it goes ok and you do end up enjoying it. Families!!! 

..just wondered how the weekend had gone and if you'd managed to resolve any of the tension or whether it had been better /worse than you were thinking it was going to be?

Thinking of you xx